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The official website of BRENTON EVANS.

Man v. Food v. Moron

June 11th, 2009 | 1 Comment

You know the glowing box in your living room that broadcasts warm rays of 30 Rock into your life? Well, it’s evil. Okay, so it’s not really evil, but surely we can agree that all television programming has been tainted with the flatulence of Beelzebub. No? Then you have never seen the Real Housewives on Bravo. Just pick a city. Any city.

mvf_fail_whale

But all that mess isn’t the point of this post. It just sort of spilled out of the ol’ noggin.

What you should note is that watching television in the age of the internets is an anomaly. Once upon a time, you could call Screech a dork or Brenda Walsh a bitty, and nobody cared, because nobody heard you say it. But people tweet such things now. And sooner or later it will come back and bite them, like it did me a few weeks ago. I shall explain . . .

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Happy Birthday from Kate

June 10th, 2009 | 3 Comments

Here’s a video of my 23-month-old daughter singing happy birthday to me. Bear in mind, I in no way expect you to think she’s as cute or funny as her mom and I do. But you’d have to be blind not to think so. Seriously, even Stevie Wonder could tell how awesome she is. Anyway, watch this:

For the technically inclined, this was shot on a Flip MinoHD and edited in iMovie ‘09. As if that wasn’t obvious.

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Along Came Kindle

June 7th, 2009 | 1 Comment

If you take a peek at a book reader’s library, you can tell a heckuva lot about them. Like what sort of sick, vampire fetish they have or what disturbingly-gross aversion towards medieval poetry, written by cross-dressing, albino serfs, they’re akin to. I’m preaching to the choir on that last one, though.

gutenberg_kindle

About six-months ago I received an Amazon Kindle as a gift. Truth be told, I was skeptical about the e-reading device. I didn’t buy into its proposed ability to harness my attention away from paper-based books. There was always something . . .

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The Maiden Voyage

June 1st, 2009 | 1 Comment

Aaand we’re off. I’m the captain of this domain and—due to tough, recessionary times—I will also be your tour guide today. First off, I’d like to ask you to please remove your shoes and socks . . .

What’s that? You want to know the purpose of this site? The PURPOSE?!? You can’t handle the purpose!

Listen, I’m not going to lie to you, I secured this tiny speck of cyberspace so I could enlighten, frighten and deconstruct some Michael Crichton. (My apologies, I rhyme when I get nervous. And evidently spout modified Jack Nicolson quotes.)

maiden_voyage_brentanic

I don’t know what to say. People have personal sites. They use them to speak their minds and demonstrate their narcissistic tendencies. I want that too. If my musings aren’t something you’re interested in reading, then kindly bug-off. Because truth be known, if self-deprecating humor and witty observations don’t rev your engine, then by George no one can help you. And I mean NO ONE.

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Twitter

  • I'd rather use a ThighMaster made of beef tenderloin, in a room full of hungry Rottweilers, then watch the rest of this Cowboy game. 2010-11-07
  • @jeremy1777 Say what? 2010-11-07
  • @shueytexas Fun fact: my wife DVR's Oprah, so I figured it out whenever I SAW HIS FIRST VIDEO. 2010-11-07
  • Tonight's Lambeau Leap is courtesy of Jerry's Jerks. 2010-11-07
  • Kitna is also Ricky Martin's backup surrogate. 2010-11-07
  • Then I go back and yell, "I'm not afraid of you anymore, grill!" 2010-11-07
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